She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i think i just lost a toe
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
