i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
