I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
