Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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