Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
