I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
