I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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