if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
