She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
