I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
