Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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