it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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