The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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