i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he's single and there are thong briefs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
