was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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