So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
