I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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