Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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