Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
