This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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