He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
