Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize