well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
