This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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