We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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