That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
