I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
