Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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