Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
zippers are such a cool invention
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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