Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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