at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
