there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
