I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize