Don't make out with my wife yet
are you so shy because you have an std?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
