what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
