Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
