Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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