Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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