So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
