I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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