Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
