my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Houston, we have a squirter
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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