I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize