are you still at the devil's house?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
