i think my tv is drunk
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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