I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
