That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
