AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
