i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
