is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
two words: eviction party
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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