I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize