Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
