I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize