you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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