I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
