Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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