I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
