and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I want a musical about memes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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