Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
