Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We need a shit load of segways right now
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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