I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
