A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
