You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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