She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
