did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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