Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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