I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
