If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
