When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
