We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize